A classic from the New York Times bestselling author of A Walk in the Woods and The Body.After living in Britain for two decades, Bill Bryson recently moved back to the United States with his English wife and four children (he had read somewhere that nearly 3 million Americans believed they had been abducted by aliens—as he later put it, "it was clear my people needed me"). They were greeted by a new and improved America that boasts microwave pancakes, twenty-four-hour dental-floss hotlines, and the staunch conviction that ice is not a luxury item. Delivering the brilliant comic musings that are a Bryson hallmark, I'm a Stranger Here Myself recounts his sometimes disconcerting reunion with the land of his birth. The result is a book filled with hysterical scenes of one man's attempt to reacquaint himself with his own country, but it is also an extended if at times bemused love letter to the homeland he has returned to after twenty years away.

When their peoples mysteriously vanish, a pair of faithful dogs must work with their foul-mouthed feline friend to discover why they disappeared, and what they can do to bring their peoples back home.---------Banger and Mash knew something strange was happening when their peoples’ scent began to fade. Sweetpea the cat knew it too, but…you know…he just wasn’t that worried about it. But when their human vanishes into thin air right before their noses, they race to get help from the other dogs in the village, only to discover that EVERYONE'S humans have disappeared.Banger, a rescue with a traumatic past, convinces the other dogs that they must have done something Very Bad to incur this terrible punishment. Determined to become Perfect Dogs to entice the humans to return, a draconian system of laws is put into place to keep dogs from doing anything that might be seen as Bad—no more eating trash, no more sleeping on the couch, and definitely no humping. Sweetpea is more than happy to use his prodigious feline memory to help them keep track of their ever-more-complicated rules…so long as they refer to him as His Masterfulness, and pay him homage.Mash, on the other hand, is not so sure that they’re going about it the right way. He wants to be a Good Dog, but he’s pretty sure that the whole reason the peoples loved them in the first place was because they were…well…dogs.As differing philosophies give rise to conflict amongst the canines, a new theory of how they should behave arises from an unlikely source: Sweetpea--AKA, His Masterfulness--who is either the only cat capable of hearing the voice of the peoples…or maybe he’s just going crazy.Satire and metaphysics come together in this humorous and often heartwarming tale about our four-legged friends, and how love conquers all.

Let the squeamish beware!Watch Your F*cking Language takes a no-holds-barred approach to taboo words and expressions. It shows you how to use them to your advantage -- and have fun doing so. Building on the lessons learned in English as a Second F*cking Language, this book emphasizes traditional English swears as well as powerful (and hidden) expressions from other cultures and languages.Through numerous examples, it puts the real language of real people into context:FLOYD: I just heard a Dan Quayle speech. It was really f*cking confusing.RUBY: I just got back from a Mongolian cluster f*ck. It was really confusing f*cking.The name of the game is communication, and Watch Your F*cking Language shows readers how to hammer home their messages with confidence and gusto.Among its features:*Numerous examples of proper (and so-called improper) usage*An Idioms section that emphasizes the niceties of swearing*A "Need to Know, "Nice to Know," and "Forget It" system for identifying swear words*A Final F*cking Exam

“Flat out the funniest book on hypochondria ever written.” —New York Daily NewsWhen every hiccup sounds like the call of doom, each stomach pang hints at incipient cancer, and a headache means it’s time to firm up your last will and testament, The Hypochondriac’s Guide to Life. And Death. provides just the relief you need. Gene Weingarten has spent his whole life immersed in the eclectic details of bizarre symptoms, self-diagnosing every minor ache as a potentially deadly disease. Weingarten examines:The mind of a hypochondriacHow your doctor can kill youUlcers and other visceral fearsThe snaps, crackles, and pops of your body that spell disasterThings that can take an eye outInterpreting DocSpeak, and moreFrom a Pulitzer Prize–winning writer, this is a hilarious, informative, and surprisingly insightful prescription for the hypochondriac that lurks inside us all.“If laughter is therapeutic, then this guide is sure to succeed, keeping all of us—patients and physicians alike—in stitches.” —Journal of the American Medical Association